Crazy Fat Guy Harasses Hetalia
by EpicClimax0
Summary: The following one - shot is based on the first true story Smosh video. Italy, Germany, and Japan decide to have a fun water balloon fight until a crazy fat guy comes along to harass them. WHAT WILL HAPPEN? Hetalia and Smosh one - shot. ENJOY!


_**The following Fanfiction is based on the Crazy Fatass Smosh video.**_

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It was a peaceful summer day and the Axis Powers trio were just hanging out. "Germany I'm bored" Italy whined to his muscular blonde friend. Germany rolled his eyes at Italy "Well think of something to do" he replied.

Japan was previously content with being silent but sensed the mood and decided to speak "How about we watch anime at my place?" he suggested. Germany sighed,

"No offense Japan, but I don't want to watch-"

"YAY ANIME!" the enthusiastic Italian cut off his friend. Japan looked at Germany and knew that he wasn't really into anime as much as Italy and him, but they couldn't think of anything else to do.

Germany sighed "Okay fine… but no more Sailor Moon" he retorted. Japan gave a slight nod and they all headed for Japan's house.

**_~Three hours later~_**

The trio had watched a couple episodes of Fairytail, Ouran High School Host Club, and Darker than Black. They all decided they were done watching anime and they were all lounging on the couch still bored.

Suddenly Italy sat up with an excited grin "Hey Japan! Look you have balloons!" Italy saw the box tucked under the couch and held the box up triumphantly. "Oh… so that's where they went." Japan muttered to himself.

"Hold on, I have an idea!" Germany exclaimed. "We could fill them up with water and have a water balloon fight!" he beamed. "VE ~ That sounds like fun!" Italy clapped. "Not only that but it would be excellent training" Germany added. The other two froze and realized that of course Germany of all nations would turn a simple water balloon fight into a workout.

"Well I don't think my backyard is big enough for a water balloon fight" Japan tried to subtly convince Germany. However at this Germany stroked his chin in deep thought "Yah… but what about the school?" he suggested. "The school?" Italy and Japan said in unison. "Yah, it's not too far from here and there's nobody there in the summer time. Come on, you both forced me to watch anime and you can't slack off just because it's summertime" and with that Germany, Italy, and Japan started filling up the balloons with water and headed for the high school.

_**~ Le time skip ~**_

When they got there Germany figured out how the game would go. "Okay Japan you're with me. We're going to go to the rooftop and take the water balloons. Italy, you're going to stay down here and your job is to make it from this side of the school to the other side of the school without getting hit by a water balloon. Do you both understand?" Germany ordered.

"Say Whaaa?" Italy woke up from Germany's boring orders. "WERE YOU SLEEPING THE WHOLE TIME?!" Germany yelled. Italy nodded which made Germany rub his temples in frustration "Nevermind, just stay here until I tell you to run got it?" he asked Italy. "Ve ~ don't worry Germany I got this" Italy saluted. Germany sighed as he knew Italy would probably screw up somehow but he still gave him the benefit of the doubt.

"Okay then, come on Japan" Germany scaled the ladder to the school roof with ease. Japan nervously followed after and they were both on top of the school rooftop. "Okay Italy, now try to run to the other side without getting hit!" Germany yelled to his friend. Italy swallowed nervously "o-o-okay" he replied as he started to walk.

However Germany quickly threw a warning water balloon that splashed right in front of Italy but it was far enough away that he didn't get wet. "AAHHH!" Italy freaked out and started running really fast. Germany and Japan smiled playfully at each other and started chucking water balloons at Italy (who was getting the workout of his life) who was screaming at the top of his lungs and desperately trying to get to the other side.

"I have to admit, this is pretty fun" Japan said grabbing another water balloon. "Yah… it really is" Germany chuckled under his breath. However their water balloon fun had come to an abrupt halt when they heard a deeper voice yelling from below (which was definitely NOT Italy).

The trio looked over to see this gigantic lardass with his wife and two kids coming home from the public pool. "HEY YOU KIDS WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" the crazy man screamed. Germany and Japan exchanged a quick look of confusion and worry.

Japan sensed the mood and tried to calm things down

"Uh nothing we were just-"

"SHUT UP AND GET OFF THE DAMN ROOF!" the humongous whale bellowed.

Germany did just that, and quickly got down from the roof. However he looked around for his friend, until he realized that he was nowhere to be found. "Damn ninja!" he cursed under his breath. Germany decided to ignore the fact that Japan had pulled a total bitch move on him and went over with Italy to confront the behemoth still yelling at them.

"YOU'RE BOTH A BUNCH OF NO GOOD HOOLIGANS TERRORIZING THE SCHOOL!" then the colossal beast shoved both of them into a wall before either of them could get a word in. "YOU FUCKING KIDS ARE VANDALIZING SCHOOL PROPERTY! I'M GONNA CALL THE COPS!" he threatened them. Germany decided that he had to calm down the huge fatass before things got out of hand "Well we aren't really vandalizing anything we're just running around the school." Germany replied.

All of a sudden the guy started screaming like an enraged marmot which scared Italy to openly weep out of fear and he started cowering in the corner. "Ger-Germany the fat man is scary!" he whimpered. Unfortunately for Italy, the "fat man" heard him crystal clear and grabbed Italy and put him in a chokehold. Germany felt like he had to do something, but it was at this moment that he remembered that this goliath's wife and kids were still watching this.

Italy was freaking out and crying even harder which prompted his wife to exclaim

"Phil stop it!"

"BACK OFF CHERYL, I'LL SNAP HIS NECK!" the fatass shouted back at her.

Italy was freaking out because some guy was about to kill him, Germany was freaking out because he didn't know what to do, and Japan was peacefully eating ramen at home watching Sailor Moon. Luckily for Italy he didn't snap his neck just yet, instead he looked at Germany "You guys are in big trouble, what's your name?" he asked.

Germany's mind went blank looking at Italy crying for help which he mindlessly stated his full name

"Ludwig Beilschmidt…"

He mentally slapped himself for being so stupid because in these situations you give your adversary a fake name. However he couldn't think straight looking at Italy in a state of pain but not being able to do anything about it because of the wife and kids being there _(trust me, if they weren't there this would be over in five seconds)._

Then the guy looks at Italy _(who he's still strangling)_ and he asks him

"Okay, what's your name?" and Italy softly mutters...

"Bob"

Germany mentally slapped himself again, because of all the possible names Italy could've came up with, he picked 'Bob'. The gargantuan man narrowed his eyes and asked "okay, what's your last name?" to which Italy whimpered "Jones".

That means his name is "Bob Jones" one of the worst possible fake names anyone could make up… Germany mentally kicked himself because he knew that it was the final nail in the coffin.

It looked as if it was going to be the end for both of them, but Germany decided to finally end it, kids or no kids he would protect his best friend because he knew at this point they were both dead meat. Germany was just about to grab his gun when the fatass said

"Okay Bob Jones…"

Germany froze and desperately tried to hold in his laughter… the idiot actually believed it!

"… where do you live?"

Italy tried to come up with another name for his address but of course he came up with another generic name "Uh… 1234… Street" he muttered nervously. The douchebag whale now satisfied with their information put Italy down and shook his gigantic fist at them

"IF I EVER SEE YOU GUYS HERE AGAIN, THEY'LL BE HELL TO PAY!" as if he was some cheesy super villain foiled by them. With that the two nations wordlessly walked away, Italy was crying on Germany's shoulder to which Germany patted him on the back. All the while Germany was glad he didn't have to resort to drastic measures in front of children.

"Ger-Germany that was so scary" Italy whimpered.

Germany nodded "I know… I'm sorry I froze up I just didn't know what to do and I was worried about-"

"Germany it's okay I don't blame you. I blame the scary fat guy" Italy said.

Germany smirked "I can't believe that idiot actually thought your name was Bob Jones!" he smiled. "Yeah, boy he was an idiot!" Italy joined in laughing with Germany. After getting over the shock together Germany said "You know Italy, the next time you get in a situation where you have to give a fake name… pick something other than Bob Jones" Germany sighed. "Well what name should I use?" he asked. "Hmm… we'll have to make some fake names later." Germany replied.

Meanwhile they walked back to Germany's house and low and behold Japan was sitting on the porch just chilling there as if nothing happened. Germany was suddenly struck with the memory of Japan suddenly disappearing on them.

"Hello there friends, it's good to see you again" Japan said calmly. Germany was about to lose it but Italy cut in "Japan! You can't just run away like that! I'm supposed to do that!" Italy scolded him. "Oh my apologizes, but I sensed the mood and felt it was better not to interfere" Japan bowed politely. "Ugh, there's no need to bow. Next time use your ninja skills more carefully." Germany crossed his arms.

"Well how about we go get some milkshakes, it would be my honour to buy them" he offered. "Yah sure, I guess that's cool" Germany shrugged. _"It's better than watching anime all day"_ he thought to himself. "VE~ I like milkshakes! You're awesome Japan!" Italy excitedly hugged Japan who awkwardly stood like a flagpole for a couple seconds.

Italy then grabbed Japan and Germany's hands and they all went to get some milkshakes.

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_**Okay well this is the part where I say leave a review if you liked it and if you didn't like it... well sorry this is my first one - shot and I did it at midnight. **_

_**Anyways if you want to watch the original video here's the link: watch?v=SdLTY-F0Ld4**_

_**So enjoy your day and always remember...**_

_**Make Pasta, Not War**_

_**~EpicClimax0~**_


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